really wanted to write on many incidences, thoughts i had in past couple of weeks. I will start with serious things like my new job and eventually end with nasty, erotic things.
Well the its been almost more than 2 months im working in a telecom company. work is not much technical but keeps revolving around core telecommunication technology to customer care along with most of clerical part. Start of the job was not much hectic and boring. although night shifts were too much boring. Suddenly a week back my work “process” changed, and everything changed a lot. This is still scary. too much pressure, tension and failure. i work for almost 12 hours with no tea breaks. i goto washroom when my bladder is filled too much and i cant bare with it. Lunch breaks are little relaxing but overall too much hectic.
the only inspiration behind it is, if girls can work on this process then why cant I? yes, a girl, colleague gave handover of this fucking process. And I understand that, there is noway out of it until i get hands-on. feeling so much lonely, depressed. never thought there will be such a phase in my life.
I have not watch a movie or even a couple of sitcom episodes in last 80 days.
FYI when i failed in my engineering exam, there was same emptiness, loneliness. but I had friends. Sheldon, Penny, Barney, Robin, Lily and everyone in those sitcoms were with me. Even though I was jobless, it was not that hard-life as it is now. The big Bang theory and How i met your mother and movies and TED talks were my life. AND PORN, INDEED.
Masturbation was on high peak during days of jobless. Creative fantasies, creative ways of pleasure were sprouting.
All these things changed a little bit a after joining new job. and life completely thrashed after this new process at work.
i have not masturbated since last 8 days.
hey, thinking of masturbating on Cam tonight.
waiting for life to come back on the track.
Wondering if this happens with everyone? No sex if you are working hard, stressful job? really no masturbation because of daily long commutes?
this is worrying.
* * *
I regret about following true incidence happened in public transport bus.
i seems i cant handle my morning erections. You see, i get up in the morning just 30 minutes before i the time to catch the bus which takes me near office. for me its normal to get erection when i am travelling the the public transport bus. Because i can see so many women in bus. Transparent blouses or visible strips of Bra or shape of thighs or bare back or hint of cleavage, tight jeans, fingers, toes, feet with lovely footwear, Dimple, eyes filled with mascara… anything of these can turn me ON / give erection.
i always avoid staring at women, i have never touched, groped women anywhere. not privately or publicly. I will never do it
but.. that morning was different.
* * *
one fine morning I got up late in the morning and was in much hurry. last night was filled with erotic exhibitionists on Live sex cams but was too tired to masturbate. so in the morning i had not time to look after need of pleasure of my cock. Left home with erect cock. I wen to bus stop. As routine looked for a group of teen girls and regular faces of fellow commuters. Something was different. It was bit crowded than usual. I was waiting for my regular bus, i saw my bus coming to stop. bus came and stopped, it was over-crowded. In Pune seats on left side are reserved for women. I avoid standing there. I stood on the right side, I was standing aside to a woman. I moved a step away from her. she had curly hair. oh, damn. She seemed to be a plump and short. little dark in complexion. I heard her voice when she bought a ticket of same where i get down everyday. travel of almost 50 minutes. her voice was not feminine, it was little husky, little manly Voice. She was wearing a Green-yellow colored punjabi top and dark green tight slacks. I could not see her footwear.
soon bus was heavily over-crowded. I concluded that earlier bus was cancelled and sighed that didn’t get up early to catch that bus. although brain was calculating probability of getting view of cleavage of that young girl whom i glanced for just couple of minutes. it was plausible. Crowd was increasing. I adjusted myself back to near her. she was seating right beside me. i cold see top of her head, shoulders, shape of curvy breasts, bulge of her tummy. there was laptop bagp on her lap. Bag was heavy as it was sliding downwards from her lap. she had to adjust her bag again and again. I could see her sending text from her QWERTY Nokia phone.
Its rainy season and roads in Pune are in pathetic condition, buses are always crowded. when bus running with speed hits bumps or goes through potholes, everything inside shakes heavily. Standing passengers cant stand in control.
As i was standing and she was seating in front of me. and nothing was stable. neither bus nor my mind.
enough said for smart, pervert people.
i was wearing very tight jeans (which i dont like wearing at all). if you see me carefully, you can CLEARLY see exact shape of my hard cock.
calculations were still going on in my brain. finally I so adjust myself that i could see her cleavage. total turn ON. i was literally fantasizing sex with her. one night stand, marrying her, life long sexual partners and what not. worse part was i didn’t even see her face clearly.
it was the time. she was adjusting her laptop bag, i moved my pelvis ahead, she touched her elbow to my penis.
there it was.
डोळ्यासमोर अंधारी आली. छातीत धडधड प्रचंड होऊ लागली. पण श्वास घशात अडकला. काहीच सुचेना. काही सेकंदाचाच स्पर्श होता. विचित्र, अनोखा अपूर्व आनंद मिळाला. अजून पाहिजे.
परत तेच. लक्ष ठेवून, मोक्याच्या वेळेस कंबर थोडी पुढे केली कि तिचा हात माझ्या उन्नत्त लिंगाला लागयचा.
i could not breath, i almost stopped breathing. i moved a step away from her again.
there was “another girl” standing in crowd. she surrounded by men from everywhere. she could not even held her hands around any rod. she was totally dependent on support of men standing around her. A heavy man was standing near her. two were facing each other. girl was beautiful. i felt like that man was pushing her body onto her. may be it was deliberate, may be it was because of crowd. it am sure, i could CLEARLY see that her breasts were crushed on that Man’s chest. clearly. but could not see discomfort on her face.
it turned me ON again.
as bus was approaching destination, people started getting off. another girl escaped from crowd.
i was high. i again came back to my girl. stood at that particular location from where i could see her cleavage and curves of boobs, her bare neck. she was looking something inside her bag. her elbow was out of boundaries of seat and now it was automatically touching my erect penis.
it happened total 3 to 4 times. situation was getting tensed, in my heart and in my pants. there was no way to hide my hard cock. Breathing was totally irregular.
now very few men were standing around. only five minutes of travel. i didnt move. she was still moving her hands and I was getting touched.
finally she got up from seat stood near door. bus stopped. she got down, other passengers got down. i had move and i also got down.
i was trembling. i was not all like i was about to cum. NO. I WAS NOWHERE NEAR ORGASM. I WAS EXCITEMENT THAT SHAKING MY BODY EVEN AFTER GETTING DOWN OFF THE BUS.
* * *
I NEVER DID ANYTHING THIS AFTERWARDS.
* * *
DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG?
EVERYONE CAN SENSE WHAT IS BEING TOUCHED TO OUR HANDS. ISN’T IT?
DID SHE KNOW THAT I WAS GETTING TOUCHED BY HER ELBOW?
NO?
YES?
* * *
I DIDNT FOLLOW HER AFTERWARDS.
I NEVER TRAVELED BY SAME BUS AGAIN.
WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK?